Writers Write Writing

I'd better squeeze in another one of these before the new year.  I've been letting my theoretical fans down.  That was a bit there. You know--anyway.  Lost Lamb is actually almost finished.  According to my newest calculations and forecasts and astrological readings, the final chapters should be written by the end of this month or the beginning of the next.  It's an exciting time and I just won't shut up about it to my friends.  But seriously, I set this goal when I was nine.  Let that sink in.  When I was nine I also wanted to be a scientist because I thought I could make potions and give myself the ability to breathe fire.  I sort of had scientist and wizard mixed up in my head, I guess.  Needless to say, once I learned the truth, I gave up on science.

I feel like if I didn't have fiction I wouldn't know who I was.  I've been looking back on my older pieces lately and sometimes I've discovered that some things that I never let anyone read weren't that bad.  Of course that lends to my fear of rejection and failure, but that's for another time.  But I'm more surprised at the massive one-to-several-year-long gaps in my writing.  I can't imagine myself doing that now.  I feel like fiction is in me, my blood and breath and soul.  Even if I never made a cent I'd be happy doing it because of the way I feel when I make something.  All the words moving perfectly in a symphony.  Or, more often, bouncing around my head like a group of drunken vikings.  Prepositional phrases smashing into dependent clauses and so forth.  But either way, I get it sorted out.  And I make something beautiful.

Interesting Problems

Do problems make something more interesting?

I think they do.  Other fiction writers should tell you the same unless they're soft in the head.  Lately I haven't had much to blog about, because my writing has been going great.  In fact, my new full-length novel (currently titled Lost Lamb) has been going amazingly since I sat down and wrote out a full outline of the plot.  I can use this skeleton to expand on chapter outlines so that when I sit down to write, I don't spend four hours staring at a blank screen.

This leads me to believe that this is the solution to everything I do.  Going to the grocery store?  Make an outline to accomplish my objectives.  Doing my laundry?  Make an outline.  Trying to lose weight?  Outline time.  Having sex?  Yup, outline that business.

Maybe I should start outlining my blog.

Outline.

Pretentious Monologue About Fiction Follows

Videos games were my first love.  I was a kid who didn't make a lot of friends in public school.  Actually, until I got to High School, I had almost no friends.  Needless to say, I didn't do a lot of socializing.  What I did a lot of was sit in my room and click on my Super Nintendo while the sunshine beamed down outside.

Games were my first stories.  Sure, I tried to read some novels, I even actually read some good ones; A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Leguin was among my first.  But the thing was, I really valued that interactivity of video games.  I always wanted to make games, but oddly enough, I gave very little interest to graphics and coding.  What I really wanted to do, was write stories for video games.

I sat down with my SNES today and played one of my still favorite games of all time.  Mega Man X.  In the first stage, which does a great job of establishing the story and the world it takes place, you face a villain in a large robot suit called Vile.  A bad guy with a name that means, "icky".  You can't kill Vile--no matter how hard you try.  In this first encounter, he must win.  Because it sets up the game's theme for getting stronger.  But every time I sit down to play it, I still fight back against Vile.  Not because I don't know that I can't win, but because I don't think X would give up.  I don't think he knows that he can't win.  It's still a story, after all.

When I was a kid, I had very in-depth fantasy adventures.  I even put together a little montage opening and a theme song in my head.  I think I was a time traveler, or something.  The stories were always about me (I was eight-years old, don't judge).  I never really shared them with anyone because they weren't for other people--they were for me.

It's NaNoWriMo

November is National Novel Writer's Month.  You may be wondering, "Whasat mean, bra?" What it means is that novel writing procrastination must be stopped this month.  Seems like a lot of people have a novel idea or a fiction idea and they just never seem to find the time to do it.  During NaNoWriMo, we put an end to those excuses.  The goal is simple: to write a full novel in the space of a month.  Several people have succeeded in this challenge and still more have tried.

Why do we need a month to tell us to get off our collectives asses and do some writing?  Because we Rack a Disciprine.  So, if you're sitting at your computer or staring at a mobile device thinking, "I has good idear for story." Get off your butt and do it.

I considered starting a new project for this month, but I really feel like I'm getting to the home stretch in Lost Lamb.  I didn't get as much time to write during the week this week, but I'm going to write up a storm today.

Planning Redux

I've written before about planning novels as opposed to flying by the seat of one's pants.  Until recently, I've subscribed to the method that Parnell Hall calls "Taking an idea and going with it." And although that's how this novel (Lost Lamb) got started, it is certainly not how it's getting finished.

I'm officially further than half way done writing this piece, that's leaving out revising and editing and so forth, and its been a little scary.  But now I'm an organized writer.  I write full outlines for each chapter, just like I learned in a novel writing course (which I always thought was silly) and I write full length timelines that cover every important event in the book (which I've never been able to finish before) and I accept that some of my favorite scenes are the ones that I'll have to cut.

It's not finished yet, but I feel like I've done it.  I feel confident and capable to take on full-length novels in the future.  I'm already planning the next installment.

Computers are Really Judgmental

My computer thinks I'm an idiot.  Here's why.  As a writer, I use my PC a lot.  Most every day, actually.  So, when I reach under my desk to press the on button, and click on the monitor, and click on the speakers--I know what I want to use the machine for.  My computer doesn't seem to understand this.

This crap gets me.  Yes Windows, I really am sure that I want to run every single application that I click on.  That it why I moved the mouse and clicked the button.  I do not have the attention span of a mosquito or the memory of a goldfish.  Nor am I attracted to shiny things like a raccoon and am therefore clicking on icons because I think they look cool.  I know what I'm doing, computer.  Do not treat me like a droopy-eyed idiot slumped over my desk with Cheetos falling out of my slacked mouth.

I wish there was a button, or a setting, or a tab that I could find and click, set or adjust to tell the computer not to treat me like a moron.  Perhaps some test to prove that I'm capable of stringing more than two words together at a time.  Who does Windows think is using their software?  I work with kindergarteners at school and even they, who get unresolvably distracted by a dragonfly that flutters in the room, know that when they click a button they mean it.  Come on, Windows--be cool.

Rack A Diciprine

This image from South Park appears because I wanted to talk about a new writing strategy I've started using.  You sit the fuck down and do it.  Why is this so challenging for us writer types?  We would rather think about the project or talk to others about it or write in our blog about it.  Just fucking write already.  I recently discovered a cool program that I wasn't willing to pay for called "Write or Die"  It's entirely focused on motivating writers to write instead of sitting on our collective metaphorical asses.

What the program does is periodically reward or punish you for writing or not writing.  It sets a timer and a word goal and you do it.  Or else.  Do we really need one of these to get shit done?

I realized a couple days ago that it doesn't take as long as I think it should to write a measly 1000 words of fiction.  If I only spend an hour doing that, I only have to write at 15 words a minute.  I think a kindergartener can probably type at that speed.

But it's not all typing, I fritter my time away Googling stuff to make sure I have the information or a picture of whatever.  It's not necessary.  My new practice is to set a one hour timer and type like the wind.  You can always revise later, right?

It's All in the Details

I was talking to a friend of mine at work about fiction and he mentioned a problem he'd had when trying to write a story as opposed to telling a story.  In his experience it was very easy to verbally tell someone a convincing enough story that they enjoyed, but when trying to write it down, he just didn't have enough to say.  There could be a lot at work here, for instance the adage of showing rather telling applies in this situation, and there's also something to be said about giving your characters difficulty as a means of creating a story.  But I think the devil is really in the details here.

For instance, someone asks me what I thought of the burger place downtown.  I say, "It was great.  Good food, good service." That's how we talk to each other--we largely exchange judgements.  It's what we do as humans.  It is for this reason that I don't consider writing conversational.  Let's consider the same experience written into narration.

"I stopped at the burger restaurant on the corner.  The burger was well-seasoned and juicy and the fries were cooked until they were crisp.  The waitress took my order quickly and returned with my food without making me wait."

As a reader we can create our own judgement here that the narrator enjoyed the restaurant even though it's not openly stated.  But you'll notice a sort of blandness about the scene.  Now it's not just that the scene has an utter lack of conflict, though that is a serious problem, but it would also be that there are no details.  The more specific the details the closer we get to the narrative and the more the elements of the scene become valuable.  Let's try throwing some concrete details into the scene but try to keep the content the same.

"I found the parking lot for Michelangelo's Gourmet Burgers on the corner of Condor and 3rd street.  The low firebrick building sagged in its place near the street, windows painted to show the name and a chalkboard to display the daily specials.  A redheaded waitress in her twenties smiled at me as she tied a maroon apron around her waist.  The name tag said her name was Cindy.  She asked what I would be having that afternoon and I ordered the Rodeo burger.  A short moment later, the burger arrived on a toasted cheddar and potato bun and the bacon was cooked crisp but not burnt.  The french fries had been tossed in a homemade garlic sauce with fresh parsley thrown in.  They were hot and still crispy."

Remarkably this is largely still the same content as "It was great." but now we see it through our character's eyes.  We see imagery and details that help tell the story and make it important to us as readers.

The Unfortunate Importance of Planning

Every author has their own technique for writing a full-length novel.  Some just get an idea and write it until the story's done.  Take Parnell Hall, he's said in an essay that this is exactly what he does.  Just grabs an idea and rolls with it.  Then you have Sue Grafton who does a little more with her books, she compiles a list of male and female names and plot points and other various details, and generates new characters and a new title for the new book.  Then she cuts herself loose and writes.  Then you have the end of the planning and plotting spectrum--those are the people who keep meticulous notes in a journal and fill out character sketches and outlines.  I don't really know any real-world authors who claim to do this, but every book about writing fiction says it's the way to go.

For some time I've been trying to find my method of constructing a full and satisfying novel.  I've tried each of these approaches at least once.  In my latest novel, I've tried combining them.  I created a short outline of the course I wanted the story to take in my head and then wrote the first chapter.  Then I outlined the next couple of chapters just before writing them.  When they were finished, I outlined the next couple.  So far, this method has been producing spectacular results.  I get to write the story and see where it's going but I also get to make sure scenes that I really like actually happen.

The problem that I'm encountering now is, now that I'm approaching the midpoint of the book, I have to see what chapters I have figured out and what holes need to be filled.  This is proving to be a pain in the ass.  I've started on an outline and a timeline and now I'm just putting together sketches of future scenes.  In the meantime, I'm heading into chapter ten with considerably high spirits.

Lost Lamb Cover is Here

I recently placed an order for a book cover on Fiverr.  The artist did pretty good but it wasn't really the sort of thing I wanted.  Granted, it did only cost five dollars.  So there's that.  I'm actually pretty happy with the cover I got though.  Even though it's not the sort of thing I'd get from a professional artist that would happily charge me $160.  But either way, here it is.

It does have that cool Dresden Files look when it's smaller, so that's cool.  I actually ordered this cover as a sort of safety.  I'm still planning on trying to get this book published traditionally but they may take a long time and I may not want to wait.  In which case I'd just go to Amazon and Smashwords and CreateSpace and do it myself.  Oh but a $5000 advance would be pretty sweet.  We'll see I guess.

Writing is a Pain in the Ass

Every once in a while I wonder why I chose writing fiction as a hobby.  It could have been anything.  I do have some other hobbies too, you know.  I enjoy cooking and martial arts and SCA heavy fighting--oh, and I recently got into home brewing.  That's a lot of fun.  But above all these things, the hardest of them is writing fiction.  There are so many layers and aspects and opinions and expectations.  Even when you think you've done everything right, your piece may come off as hackneyed and bland.  And believe me, critics will tell you how they feel.

I've recently joined a creative writing forum, hoping that I can get a little feedback about my work.  Actually I'm not really sure why I joined, I'd had a few glasses of wine when I signed up.  Not the point.  Hopefully networking with others will help my self confidence on this piece, for which I'd be most grateful.

I'm returning to work on chapter 9 where another group of villains have entered the scene.  Vampires.  The blood-sucking fiends themselves.  No sparkling in daylight here thank you.  I guess this book is almost turning out to be sort of a tour of the major supernatural creatures in the book.  Which I of course plan on doing more with in future books.

Oh yeah, I ordered a cover for Lost Lamb on Fiverr yesterday.  I'm a little nervous that I won't like it, but it's only costing me five bucks.  I think I can handle it.

Holy Crap I'm Back

School has started again (and for me that means I'm back to work) and I've pulling a TON of overtime this year.  It is insane.  Needless to say I've been finding considerably less time for writing fiction.  Goes without saying I suppose.

As for the project at hand, my Urban Fantasy novel Lost Lamb, I'm just coming back in for some revisions on the eighth chapter.  My hero has very deliberately put himself in a dangerous situation with a woman he knows has been killing people around town.  But Jaden is nothing if not stubborn.  It felt like the book would never get to this spot.  I've been wanting to write it pretty much since I wrote the first chapter.  Some serious shit is going down.

Something else I'm trying to do is vary my sentence structure.  I have one format that I seem to use repeatedly in fiction.  I'll demonstrate here:

     The alien ran out of the spaceship door, carefully closing it behind him.

What I mean by structure is this:

     The NOUN VERBED and so forth, VERBING ADVERBLY and whatnot.

This sentence structure seems to be part of my "style" as one person in the writer's group said, but I feel like I really overuse this particular sentence.  I haven't decided how many of them I'm going to strip out but hopefully I'll get it sorted.  I shouldn't worry about it too much.  According to most fiction writing books it's really the image in our head that the words translate to that we will remember--not the words themselves.  I've been rereading the Dresden Files lately and I've found it to be the case.

Do What Inspires You

When I was writing Bad for Business, I decided to find a target tone and setting and stick to it.  I had just read Neuromancer by William Gibson and Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson, both are excellent cyberpunk books, but I wanted more than that.  I wanted to see the world well enough to describe it fully and immerse my mind in living there.  I also watched Blade Runner about six times, and I watched the only season of Almost Human (similar setting).

The point is: I found something that inspired me and wrapped me in that world.  Sure, sometimes I took breaks from those settings to avoid over saturation and burnout.  I tell the other writers in my critique group to do the same.  For Loki, it's mostly Night of the Living Dead movies and playing Resident Evil.  For my brother, it's video games like Space Pirates VS Zombies and FTL, and movies like Pitch Black or Harlock Space Pirate.

If you're working on an idea--or working on working on an idea--find something that gets your creativity bouncing around your head and do the ever-loving crap out of it.  Now that I'm working on my Urban Fantasy novel, Lost Lamb (a working title) my viewing list has changed to include the best works of that genre.  Recommendations include the Constantine movie, Kolchak: The Night Stalker (the one from the 1970s is awesome), Troll Hunter (it's weird and foreign but still great), Being Human, and the shows Buffy and Angel.  My preference leading more toward Angel for the supernatural investigator vibe.

Doesn't look like much but he can kick an ass or two.

 

Bad for Business May Go Animated

I really feel like this novel I'm working on is turning out to be a great piece.  I almost want to get rid of my last novella because I've learned a lot since I wrote it.  I mean, technically my novella is sound but a few things that I could have done better have been glaring at me.  Particularly my shameless and unnecessary over-usage of flashbacks.  I should have focused on the story at hand instead of trying to explain the past.  Part of the reason I made that decision was in response to my writer's group, but still, I could have shown those things with subtle dialogue or quick interior monologue references.

Lost Lamb takes place entirely in the present.  No flashbacks.  I want it to be an exciting story that moves forward faster than you can catch it and takes you through rise and fall of action and investigation.  So far I think I've done well.

I spent the last hour trying to make a mock-up for the cover, but I have nothing to show for my trouble.  I have almost no graphics experience.  Oh, that reminds me--my brother has recently suggested turning Bad for Business into a cartoon.  Not sure if we're looking at cell-animation or 3d artwork, but still.  He's friends with a couple of animators who may be interested in helping us put it together.  I've been thinking about retooling the story when I convert it to a screenplay and maybe I'll even put the storyboards together myself.  If I come up with anything cool for it, I'll post it here.

Publishing Options, Lack of Decision Making

Good news is: chapter eight is coming along well.  Bad news is: I have no idea what to do with this novel when it's done.  It's driving me crazy.  There is no shortage of articles telling writers to either self publish (it's great, you'll get tons of money, everyone is doing it) or to forgo that route and get published traditionally (you get a fat advance, you don't have to pay for anything, it's more meaningful because it's a pain in the ass).  I'm thinking about hitting some fiction writing forums and picking the brains of some other people.  Of course I'm sure I'll get the same mix of responses.

So, Bad for Business (my epublished novella) has been up on a review request board on Good Reads for some time.  The other day someone signed up!  Yeah, they could still not like the book, but I'm really not worried about that.  I'm just excited that someone is reading it.  It's been free on Smashwords for a while, and I see plenty of downloads, but I haven't seen any feedback.  It's a little frustrating.

I had been thinking about traditional publishing for the merit that I wouldn't have to do this obnoxious marketing stuff.  However, I've read a few articles that said even if you're book is published this way, the publisher makes no effort to promote it.  That part is still up to you.  The main advantage would be that I'd have an agent who would manage some of the book bidding and so on.  Of course I'd need an agent to get a publishing contract and I'd need a publishing contract to get an agent.  So there's that.

Writer's Group is Back

Now that I have something to read we'll be having writer's group again.  It's a good feeling.  Work is starting up again and I'm looking forward to getting back to it--the routine really helps me think.  It was that way when I attended school too; I always got my best ideas when I was supposed to be listening or taking notes.

We had quite the ciesta of a weekend.  Now that I'm part of Kristie's family there are a ton of parties to go to.  This weekend was a birthday party for a friend of the family, needless to say I didn't stick to my diet and exercise routine.  But I'm back at it today.  Took the dog for a walk, been counting my calories, it's all quite a pain in the ass.  I know it'll feel good when I start seeing results.

I'm going to try to plug a few more words on my eighth chapter today.  I have a feeling that it'll get easier to write when I let the group see the seventh chapter, but I'm going to get to it anyway.  It'll be nice to be ahead, even by a small margin.  I had originally hoped that I would be finished with this novel before the end of the year, of course now that I didn't write for most of the summer, I'm a little off track.  If I managed to finish a chapter every week, it could still be finished in December.  Of course there's still all the editing and revising and so on, but it's nice to see a deadline on my calendar.

Proverbial Corners

I read books.  The cat is out the bag.  What I own a lot of are these "How to write awesome fiction that will make you famous and get you a million dollars" books.  Seriously, I own like twenty books about fiction writing.  Many of them are awful.  I read one once that had an ongoing metaphor of building a house that was compared to writing a manuscript.  This metaphor was so detailed and thorough you could have probably cut the writing stuff and turned it into a DIY house-building book.  Needless to say, it didn't help that much.

I bring this up because I've been reading an actually good book of this kind.  Really.  They exist.  It's called Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft.  No one asked me to recommend this book.  No one paid me.  This is truly a helpful book.  It's actually a college textbook and the newest edition costs about fifty big ones.  If you're interested in this book--DO NOT get the newest edition.  The one I purchased was a used seventh edition and it set me back all of seven bucks.

Today I'm continuing to write on my eighth chapter of Lost Lamb, my urban fantasy novel.  Although it has been hard getting to this point, I'm beginning to feel that the work is paying off and that maybe a breakthrough is around the proverbial corner.

I've found lately that a good bit of exercise actually helps me work through the scenes in my head.  Makes it easier to imagine what is happening and what should be happening.  Moreover, it seems that having another project going makes it easier for me to bring fresh ideas to this project.  I've been doing some unrelated free writing lately and have decided to start writing it here.  I guess a fiction blog should probably contain some fiction.

Moving On...Finally

I feel like I should throw a party.  I finally finished that seventh chapter and have started number eight of my new novel.  For a little while I really wondered if I was ever going to get through it.  School is starting again soon and I'm actually looking forward to going back to work.  I feel like the routine and the predictability really help me write.  It could also be that I have less idle time while school is in session and it forces me to make better use of it.

Writer's group has kind of fallen off the map, which blows, but now that I have something to read, maybe we can get a meeting together this week.  I feel like the energy of my readers is something that really helps me find the words.  The other day it occurred to me that there are 180 school days in the year and, if I write for a few hours each of those days, I can produce about 1,000 words a day.  At the end of a year I could have 180,000 words.  That's two full-length novels.  I thought it was pretty damn cool.  Now that I think about it, with the novella I wrote last school year and the chapters that I wrote on the new novel, I wrote over 40,000 words in a few months.  That's pretty awesome.

Sweeping Out Cobwebs

It's been a busy couple weeks, I haven't been at the computer that much since my last post.  I guess part of having a big family is being a little socially obligated to attend functions and birthday parties and get-togethers and all those other things we've been doing lately.  It's draining, honestly.  The point is that I'm back (for a little while) we're going to be spending next week in Grants Pass.  I am bringing the laptop and hopefully I'll have a few minutes to get some work done.

Chapter seven is still moving at a pace relative to glaciers or, uhm, a slug made of molasses?  I'm hoping that today will be my last installment on it and then it'll be done.  I've been tempted a few times to post my work here, but I'm seriously considering trying to get a publishing contract for this novel--putting any part of it on my blog would mean I'd have to take it down upon publication.  I'm not knocking it, it's worked for other indie authors, but it does make a publisher less likely to take you on.

I really wish I had some counseling on this.  I guess that's the part that sucks about being the only author you know.  I guess that's not true, I know a couple others but they haven't been able to help.  Regardless, I'm just going to keep writing.  Worst case scenario is that I spend some money to promote it and put it online--no big deal.  Given what I've read recently, even paper authors struggle with book promotion.

Just Keep Writing

It looks like the advice that I keep reading works.  Pretty much every creative writing source says, "Just keep writing".  Last time was very difficult and it went slow, but I finally found the tiny shred of logic that I needed to move to the next scene.  I'm feeling better about this chapter now and I have to remember that the words can be horrible, just so long as they're on the page.  I can't revise it if I never write it in the first place.

I've taken the last few days off to generate some content for a role-playing game.  My friend is coming down from Grant's Pass next week and he loves to play Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.  I was really surprised at how easily everything came together on this game.  I won't dribble on with the details, but consequently I'm behind schedule for writer's night tonight.  I'm hoping that someone else will have something to read but I'm doubting it.  I'm thinking that even if there is nothing to read, the guys should still come over anyway.  Hang out time at the new house is a lot of fun.

Unfortunately I have come to a grim decision that I'm not proud of.  I think I may add advertising to my blog.  I know, I hate it too.  But money is tight this summer and I was hoping my epublishing would actually make me some money.  As I've said before, it's not doing that.  I've been trying to get my ebook listed at Amazon for free but they're resistant.  I actually had a bizarre dream about epublishing last night that I guess summarized how I'm feeling about it.  In the dream, I ran into an old friend and told them about my book.  They in turn told me about their ebook that they had written a few years ago and forgotten about.  But of course, they're book sold and made them a lot of money whereas my book did not.  I guess the whole thing feels like getting picked last for soccer again.

Seven is not my Lucky Number

For some reason, I'm really struggling with this chapter of my novel.  It's like every line is another tooth that I'm forced to pull from a shark's mouth.  The shark is not under anesthesia.  I've been reading a few "How to Write Fiction" books lately and, although I've been getting a lot of good insight, I wish I could speak with a person.  A fellow novelist who's been there and knows what to do in my situation.  What's frustrating for me about this novel is that I feel this little insignificant section that would be cut from a screenplay is what's holding me up.  If I can just power through this conversation I can get one step closer to the fun action-packed scenes that I want to write.

Really what's holding me up is a tiny little gap in logic.  I have my main character talking with a police officer who was on his way to investigate a strange cabin.  He thinks this cabin (or its owner) is somehow related to the mass and ongoing disappearances in the small town.  The gap in logic however, is that I have no idea what has tipped him off to get this information.  Again, the movie would cut right through this part.  No one care's how he knows.  But I care.  I want an unbroken chain of logical events that lead into appropriate scenes that tell the story.  I'm not Michael fucking Bay.  The third act is just one giant explosion.  SKADOOOOOOSH!  KAPLOW!

Perfect.  That tells the story.

It is a Sunday

I finished my short story retelling of Beowulf and presented it to the group on Thursday.  Everyone responded to it positively, which was nice.  I'm still not really sure what I'm going to do with this short story--if anything.  It's too short to sell online by itself and it's probably too long to sell to most literary magazines.  A short story compilation is still a possibility, but launching an ebook the right way is expensive--I hate that by the way.  For now I'm just going to let it collect dust on my hard drive like most of my work.  I'm supposed to be returning to do work on Lost Lamb today, but as you could probably guess, I'm procrastinating.

I've begun to worry about its pacing and level of drama and excitement.  It's been nagging at me a little while now.  Loki has been reading over the chapters that he missed at group, and even though he's used more words than this, he thinks they're boring.  I know that he's not as much of a reader of fiction as I am--he's more of a movie and video game guy--and he probably expects a faster pace with more action and drama.  I've mentioned the fact that novels are a longer piece and so the points of high excitement need to be spaced out, but I keep wondering if he's right.  I wish I could be someone else who has no forethought or expectations and read the chapters so far.  Then I could ask myself what I think.

Trying to Get Some Work Done

I shouldn't have let that review get to me.  People are going to think what they want, it's no big deal.  Part of the whole reason I did epublishing was to let people see my work.  It's out there now.  Some people won't like it or get it.  I need to accept that.

I'm moving on and continuing to work on my craft.  I had a conversation with a friend on fourth of July about my writing, about my experience so far with self publishing.  My friend said that maybe my writing just isn't where it should be yet and I really disagree.  I don't mean to use someone else's  work as a ruler to judge my own, but I've looked at a lot of novels.  Many of them in the urban fantasy genre--and I really think this book could sell.  Maybe not a whole lot, not a blow away success, but it would be cool to reach a few people.  I remember when I was a kid looking for cool sci-fi or fantasy books, and when I finally found that one that I liked, it really meant a lot to me.  I want to give that to someone.

I'm thinking about looking at Bear Wolf again today, my sci-fi retelling of Beowulf.  I'm really having a hell of a time with it.  I guess it's because I feel like setting out to retell an existing story limits my creativity a little.  Not much mind you, I'm trying to focus on creating original fiction rather telling some other person's story.  Just trying to throw in some subtle nods to the myth.  Hopefully nothing that will beat you over the head with the premise.  If that doesn't pan out, I'll head over to my Lost Lamb chapter.  I need to get some writing done today.

Now I Want a Cup of Tea

I got my first review from someone I don't know yesterday.  I was hoping for some kind of actual review, some analysis of my work by someone who'd read it--no such luck.  It was a "not my cup of tea" review--didn't even leave a star rating.  I'm really irritated by this, but the issue with this particular reader was that it was a sci-fi story and they don't like that genre.  Of course, if they had taken the time to read the description on the book's page, or the genre tags that label it "cyberpunk" there would have been less confusion.  It seems reasonable to expect a potential reader of fiction to fucking READ the book's description.

Regardless, I made some changes to how the book is labeled (making the primary tag cyberpunk and the secondary hard-boiled detective).  I also made some quick changes to the short description to reflect the science fiction setting.

The more experience I have with this internet publishing, the more I become convinced it's not for me.  I hate having to hang on every little movement of the book, which I spent countless hours writing and polishing, just to find out that people still aren't reading it.  Honestly, it might as well still be sitting in the dark recesses of my hard drive, never to see the light of day.  It doesn't make much difference.

I guess now I should focus on creating something full-length and getting an agent/publisher.  The ups and downs of epublishing are killing me.  Just can't take it.

Varnet Blues Has a Cover

In the last week that I've made Bad For Business free, the downloads have spiked significantly.  I mean sure, that's a given--people like free things.  Somewhere in there I'm hoping to have made a couple of fans.  Marketing myself is a pain in the ass and I don't like it.  I'd rather be spending all this extra time that I navigate this sea of irritation doing something that comes easily to me--writing.  I look forward to one day having a publishing contract and therefore lackeys that do this crap for me.  I don't even care that I would be selling the rights of my fiction to them--it would be worth it.

Until that magical day happens I will (hopefully) continue to produce fiction in the Cyber Detective series and post it on Smashwords and Amazon.  The next installment will be called Varnet Blues and take place on a Mars colony.  I took a picture that my friend Loki made for me a while ago, he called it a cyberpunk concept cover, and I resized it and added the text.  Working with artists is also a pain in the ass.  I would happily give up control of the cover to let someone else handle those people.

Look for this installment in the Cyber Detective series when it's released...sometime that is not right now.  Keep your browser tuned to this blog for more info as it develops.  I will be posting an abstract for this story soon.

Returning to Work on My Novel

I had been thinking about finishing my short story Bear Wolf today, but I'm feeling really interested in Lost Lamb.  I think that I may have come to a revision of chapter seven that I like more than the previous direction.  I guess I'll never know how an audience would have felt about that scene I chose not to write, but I also have to consider my own tastes--what gets me excited and interested in something.  Maybe I was thinking that I could be subtle here, like my favorite detective novels, but I'm also writing fantasy.  Let's face it, fantasy is not that subtle.

Is it a big mystery who the bad guys are in Lord of the Rings?  How about Star Wars?  Short of having huge neon signs over their heads that say "Bad Guys" the lines between good and evil couldn't be any more distinct.  I'm sure this archetype comes from mythology, the old stories of knights slaying dragons in the middle ages, the story of Beowulf and Grendel, the story of Gilgamesh.  These are examples of a very typical hero myth, and ultimately, I want my writing in this genre to have that quality of Good versus Evil.  I try to mix it up by making Jaden conflicted about himself, and try to throw in some other elements of the detective genre--just the right ones I hope.  But at its core, I think this story is the hero myth.  Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I'm not sure.

Bad For Business is Free

I've decided to write free ebooks.  The whole reason I got into epublishing was to let people read my work.  But it's not happening.  For a reason why, check the last post.  I was very upset yesterday.  I almost let this whole thing get me derailed.  That old thinking came back, "Why should I even do this?  I should give it up and take on some other hobby.  Surely there is some other, less destructive, thing I could do in my free time."

But I'm a writer.  I can't help it.  Back before publishing flashed me her goods from across the internet bar, I wrote tons of stuff that I knew would never get read.  The only difference is that now, maybe a couple bold independent thinkers will read it and like it.  I've made about four dollars on this venture in the last month or so and I've easily spent ten times that just in printing manuscripts for the Writer's Group.  The point is, I'm not making any money at this.  My publishers won't even send me the royalties I've earned until the balance is at least ten dollars.  I'm out of people I know to buy the book, and I would have made more money if I'd just asked them all for a dollar and skipped the middle man.  Would've been a lot less work too.

Regardless, someone out there must be bored enough to read this book.  As of today, fifty-one people have downloaded the sample from Smashwords.  There's a couple different ways I could interpret that: fifty-one chose not to spend ninety-nine cents and by it.  Or, the version I prefer, fifty-one people were interested enough to try it.  At the very least, I can reward those people who showed some passing interest in my work by making it free.

The following is the Smashwords link, most people prefer Kindle but they will not let me set the price to free.  However, they will do price matching.  If the book is listed at another retailer for free, they may match the price.  Here's hoping right?

Smashwords - Bad For Business

Social Proof and Why I Hate It

I'm officially pissed off at the internet.  If self-publishing ebooks was a person, I would punch them in the nose until it broke.  You may be wondering, what brought on this outburst of violence?  My answer: sitting on my ass for a month and a half while my ebook is a total failure.  I hate people.  I hate Amazon.  I hate everything right now.

I present for you a paradox of stupidity and ridiculosity.  A soul-shaking forehead-slapping kick in the cosmic testicles.  How does ebook publishing work?  You stick a book online and people pay you for it, then they read it and have a good time while you count you're net profit of thirty-five cents.  Unfortunately, there is a key piece missing in this model.  A little something that I learned today is called Social Proof.  It's a concept from psychology, look it up on Wikipedia if you care.  To summarize it, no one does anything unless they think other people are doing it.  You may have noticed the conundrum.  If this is an inflexible rule, how does anything get done in the first place?

What this means for book publishing is this, no one will look at your book if it doesn't have enough reviews.  You can't even give it away without reviews.  The reason why is that there is no Social Proof.  None of the monkeys have seen their fellows eat the red berries, so they won't do it.  It's ninety-nine fucking cents to check out a short novella that takes two to three hours to read.  Then you turn around and tell the other monkeys about it.  "Hey, look at me.  I'm so cool, I just read this book and you should too.  Is it good?  That doesn't matter.  What matters is that I'm doing it and you should too."

As a side note, my cd drive in my computer is acting up.  Opening and closing on its own.  Even though I could be writing today, I'm going to deal with this instead.

Summer Writing and Other Paradoxes

It's occurs to me that writing regularly during the summer months is challenging.  None of the fiction writing books told me this.  All my friends wanting to go to the river and have barbecues--the hot weather more suited to a midday nap rather than mental labor.  If I was writing a book about fiction writing, I would definitely write a chapter about it.  Of course, I'll have to find out what strategy works best for me the hard way--trial and error, just great.

Everyone says that consistency is key.  Write everyday.  Hopefully one-thousand words but at least write something.  I have found that the rhythm of it helps, makes it easier to sort my thoughts.  This journal helps too--gets the crazies out.  The unfortunate thing about writing everyday is that I just get derailed.  Something just happens.  Not everyday mind you, I couldn't get anything done if that were the case.  But some weekends, or now during summer, it's like my social life wants to keep from doing this.  My girlfriend has been really supportive though, she always makes sure that I have that little bit of encouragement to keep me going when I get rundown.  It's nice.

Chapter seven has been moving at about the speed of a polar icecap--at this rate I'll have a foot of writing next year.  I poke fun, but really, it's aggravating.  I'm hoping that I can find something of my schedule to cling to this summer.  As for now, it's my cup of tea.  I always brew a cup to drink when I sit down to write.  My special tea.  It's oolong.  So, I have my tea--journal entry is a check.  Getting to it.

Lucky Number 7

I'm feeling a little rundown today, still getting over this flu I guess.  Now it's just muscle soreness and shortness of breath.  Sounds like the side effects listed on the commercial for Medicine X--guaranteed to cure you of that disease you didn't know you had.  You know, there's probably a short story somewhere in there.  Something about crime and industry and whatnot.

Chapter six went over nicely at group last night, so that was cool.  Reading it to someone is really what's keeping me writing it.  It's a nice week-to-week encouragement.  I'm still kind of shaky about chapter seven, I'm not entirely sure if I want to explore this angle--I feel like I'm running the risk that it's tedious.  But I think my objectives going into the scene are what will either sell it or not.  Casting suspicion on a character we know is a dangerous thing in fiction--that is, if we know them well.  Hmmm, maybe I have that working in my favor.  We've only met this character in a short exchange about five chapters ago, maybe he's a fair target.  I'll explore it and see what happens.

My friend Loki has finished his first novella, and it sounds cool.  He said he finished it in a single night, so I'm assuming it's a little rough around the edges, but I could be wrong.  He said that he felt like he couldn't stop writing it--that's always a good thing.  That strong connection to your characters can across really nicely in the narrative, but such a long creative burst runs the risk of gaps in logic.  Of course, that can all be fixed will revision.  Anyway, I'm optimistic.

Over the Hump and the Flu

This week I've been sick with some sort of evil monster flu that I contracted while I was in Grants Pass.  We have decided that an apt name might be: the Pants Shitter Flu.  The reason for this is that everyone we know who has had the flu has shit their pants.  It was quite traumatic.  Painful too, a lot of puking.  I seems to be over now, so that's all well and good.

Speaking of things that are over, I think I've finally climbed (or clambered?) over this mental block that was keeping me from writing on my novel.  Today I'll sit down and finish chapter six.  I've decided that I can't take it so seriously, which is honestly very hard for me.  I feel like, no matter how hard I try, I have all my hopes and dreams pinned to this project.  It is special to me, of course it is, but I can't let it take over and become this huge monster rampaging through my confidence and self-esteem.  The other thing that I need to remember is that writing is something I want to do.  Even if I don't win any awards or make a whole lot of money, it's just something that I want to do.  The best way to do it is to just do it.  I was thinking of the following quote before I sat down, so I looked it up.

“The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.” — Mary Heaton Vorse (1881-1966), American writer

Too Low-Energy to be Witty

I feel like my brain is running through thick molasses.  I'm trying to work on chapter six big it's not really going anywhere.  I know how this chapter goes well enough, I'm sure that I can finish this book, it's just hard.  Not even sure why.  I really wanted the chance to play my video game today, so that's what I did when I got home (probably a mistake on my part).  I worked overtime today, again.  So I had even less time after work, just thought I'd spend it on myself.

I feel like writing is a really demanding and thankless career.  It's honestly getting really tricky to stick with.  I do love to create and tell stories--it's really what keeps me going--but I feel like people don't really appreciate them.  I keep telling myself that the problem is that I haven't found my fans yet, which is a journey in itself.  I think I may go ahead and sign up for my free days of KDP select, get my novella promoted a bit.  Then hopefully I can find some more websites to promote at too.  I guess the fear is that I'll go to all this trouble and still, no one buys it.  It's really wearing me down to be honest.  I know I've raged about it before, but this isn't rage.  Or maybe a different kind of it.

Either way, the words aren't coming for chapter six right now.  I may throw in the proverbial towel today.  We'll see.

Confidence, confidence, bloody confidence.

I made the mistake of reading some of my oldest writing before working on my sixth chapter of Lost Lamb.  I consider this a mistake because the failed fantasy novel was truly bad.  Very discouraging to look that over.  Not sure what I was thinking.  I have been sort of evaluating my older writing at this point, looking over some things that I used to think sucked ass and going, "Hey, that's not so bad." This was not that experience.

Something I've always struggled with in my writing is feeling like I create these alien abstract concepts, images even, and then try to connect them with thin strands of logic.  Ultimately what usually breaks a piece that I'm working on is my head, I roll the idea over and over until those thin strands break and I realize it's another smoldering pile of hard-to-follow nonsense.  Which was why I'd stopped writing this medieval fantasy novel.  On some level, I just couldn't make it make sense.  It was actually embarrassing to look over this piece that, at one time, I thought was quite good.  I found so many pretentious little screw ups.  Filtering was everywhere.  The narrative was telly (trying to tell you exactly what they were thinking or feeling).  The dialogue was so wooden I could have used it to start a campfire.  I didn't use a single contraction in the space of like, five pages.  What the hell was I thinking?  Yes, I wrote the piece in 2009.  Yes, maybe I've learned something since then.  Maybe not.

I feel like I need a Yoda.  Some more experienced writing sensei who would show me the proverbial ropes and steer me clear of the pitfalls.  But I don't have a Yoda.  That's fine.  I can fix this myself.

Okay, here I go.  To fix my brain from seeing this shitty-ass dreck that I once called fiction, I need to accept that it was mine and that I made it.  Yes, I made that steaming pile of crap and no one has to see it.  It can remain in it's hidden pocket of cyberspace forever.  Did I learn something from it?  Sure, why not?  I learned some basic concepts about fiction, and yes, the more I wrote it, the better it got.  By the end, it still wasn't very good, but maybe it was better than before.  That's what counts.  The more I write, the better I'll get at writing.

I've been such a damn perfectionist.  If I can't do something perfect, I won't do it.  I will try over and over on the same video game until I get it perfect.  I have to accept that writing is something that grows and changes and can be revised. My novella was a good example of that.  It got a lot better after I revised it.  That's what'll help me here too.  The more I put it down, the better it gets.  Back to work.

This Post Got Away from Me

It seems like every time I sit down to write this Urban Fantasy novel, I wonder, is this the time when I'm going to run out of gas?  Is it now that I will exhaust every idea I ever have and collapse in a lump failed dreams and forgotten hopes?

That came off a little more dramatic than I meant it.  Let me dial it back a little.  Hi there, hey, what's up?  You're cool?  I'm cool too.  I fucking hate how stressful writing can be.  Why did I choose this hobby?  I could have gone with any number of safer/easier hobbies, but no.  I had to choose fiction writing.  Bacon damn it to hell.

Should I explain that joke?  You look lost.  Okay, my brother and I created a new inside joke.  The idea is that you take a Word document of the bible and you find and replace every instance of God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus with Bacon, Bacon, and Bacon.  This gave a whole new line of expletives.  Bacon damn it.  Bacon Christ.  Holy mother of Bacon.  You get the idea.

Obviously I'm feeling some apprehension over Lost Lamb.  On one hand, I feel like it's going really well and that the story is developing nicely.  But then there's this lurking fear that when it's finished, someone other than me and my trusted writing group has to see it.  Or worse, no one will see it at all.  Which has been the case with my novella.  No one is reading it.  Maybe it's the wrong season.  Maybe it's the phases of the fucking moon--I don't know.  But everyone says, "Oh Steve, I bought your book.  Oh no, I haven't read it yet.  Why?  Oh I don't know, probably the phases of the fucking moon.  I can't take two Bacon damn hours out of my Bacon damn day to do this thing for you because I want to know what stupid shit is happening on American Fucking Idol or Bacon damn Survivor or whatever stupid shit people watch these days."

This post went in a direction that I didn't want it to go, just so you don't think I'm crazy.  Hopefully I'm not.

Just Checkig In

The chapters of Lost Lamb seem to be going quite smoothly.  It seems like the more I write, the easier writing becomes.  I got about 1000 words yesterday and it was like no big thing.  It just happened, which was cool.  Anyway, this novel is on its way through chapter four and I'm really quite pleased with the progress.  I feel like all I really do is create a world and some characters and let them do what they want.  It's interesting because sometimes I don't want them to do something, but they do it anyway.  It really feels like the words come to life.

To no one's lament, I've decided to seek traditional (paper) publishing for my next book.  Just talking to so many people that don't like the ebooks and the fact that paper books still outsell digital formats by a factor of 3:1.  That's a big-ass factor to me.  The other thing that's appealing is the opportunity to someday expand to larger media.  No one will ever make Bad For Business into a movie--it's an Indie novel and they're a dime-a-dozen.  Sure, I think it's good, but it can't reach as many people as it could.

It's unfortunate that I've made this decision, although I will hopefully still be publishing to the internet, my focus is now my paper books.  Oh yeah, actually sold my first book to someone I didn't know yesterday.  Someone in UK bought my book!  Anyway, I thought it was great.

Fire Under The Ass

I find that the more I write fiction, the less I have to punch into this journal  Hopefully that's because I'm reaching some kind of rhythm with my writing.  Hopefully, forming a good habit of it is paying off.  What has really motivated me the most to keep writing is how people have been reacting to my novella.  Everyone is so damn excited--it's great.  Someone even said they couldn't wait for my urban fantasy piece to come out, that's a pretty damn cool thing.  I'm so glad I did this.

I'm going to get back to working on chapter 3 of Lost Lamb while the keyboard is still smoking.

Bad For Business is out!

My first novella is now available in digital print.  The link to the Smashwords page follows, it'll still be a few days before it appears on Amazon Kindle (it needs an ISBN number) and other retailers.  If anyone would like a copy, the list price is modest, but what I need more than sales are reviews.  I need honest reviews, I can't stress this enough.  Anyway, happy reading.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/436459

Cover Art is Taking Longer Than Expected

Looks like I'm missing my own release date for the 1st of May.  Admittedly it was an arbitrary release date, but what I've been struggling with is copy editing.  And obviously I'm still waiting on the cover.  I think next time I'm considering actually spending some money on the cover art, I just wish I knew how much money I could be making--I hate the idea of going into the hole on this.  I think about how I've already spent a little something, other than my time that is, just in the money it took me to print copies for writing group.  That last part has actually been getting pretty expensive.

I'm officially sick of working on this novella, it's slowly killing me how much it won't go away and be finished.  So, surprise surprise I'm fucking editing Bad For Business again.

Missing Deadlines, Making Excuses

I missed my deadline for group last night, couldn't finish the second chapter of Lost Lamb.  It bugged the ever-loving crap out of me.  I couldn't stand it.  I was kicking myself in the ass all day over it.  I tried excuses or rationalizations--even good ones like the fact that I've worked overtime everyday this week--and none of them made me feel better.  I guess it wasn't really that big of a deal, other members in the group did mention that I had read every week since we'd started meeting, and that it was understandable for me to miss a week.  That wasn't good enough for me.

I feel like there's some underlying reason why I want to write so bad, I can't really place it.  I've wondered before if it's a side effect of getting older--the need to see one's dreams become at least a little more solid if not completely true.  I'm wondering now if that isn't it, I've always wanted to create, for a least as long as I can remember.  I've never been very good at art, drawing, painting--whatever, terrible at it.  Mediocre at best.  But I've always been good with words.

I read a study about "the raisin effect".  I won't summarize it here, you can look it up if you're interested, but the conclusion was one about experiencing vicariously through another person.  What they found was that the centers in the brain fire identically, when you're hearing a story, as they would if you'd experienced it for yourself.  I suppose as a writer I want to give others the experiences that I have in my own head, fiction lets me do that in a small way.  They are still your thoughts and emotions but I may have inspired them.  I think that's cool.

Expanding My Internet Presence (e-presence?)

I decided that while I can't make the shift to Twitter yet, I have made a "professional" Facebook page.  I'm excited about getting my first like--it will probably be from myself, but I guess I have to start somewhere.  It was easier than I thought it would be to write about myself, I guess that's what I do here.  It's disgusting to think about it that way.  But in the words of Mel Brooks, "Moichendizing!"

I am freaking floored that I may make some money from my writing.  I've been looking up income reports from indie authors and I have to say that some of them look bleak.  A whopping twenty percent report no income.  That's a one out of five chance that I will make no money in a year.  But I guess I'm balls in it now, might as well keep on going.

I've decided to include an excerpt from Lost Lamb in Bad for Business, I see a lot of other authors do that.  It's kind of a no-brainer really.  Next time on this show--this stuff happens.  After that I'm going to get some more work on Chapter 2 of Lost Lamb, it's cool to finally get to shift gears.

Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/StevenJayHamiltonAuthor

Bad for Business is Really Done This Time

I get excited every time I think I'm done with Bad for Business.  These revisions have been like bubbles in wallpaper, each time I think I've got one down I find myself turning right around for another one.  I do have the story in chapters now, today I wrote the forward and the about the author section and all that.  I have a headache if you haven't noticed.  I figured I should consider some other media for promoting my work, I'm worried this blog isn't reaching a very wide audience.  I'm reluctant to join Twitter, though it does seem to be where everyone is going.  I guess the idea of it sickens me really, I want to reach people that want to read.  If you need your reading mashed into 140 characters, my style probably isn't for you.  Still, I could be reaching more readers.

I've been thinking a lot about this urban fantasy novel, I think have some new angles for the narrative to take.  Hopefully I can keep getting usable ideas, of course, if it's short then it can be short--no biggie.  Sometimes I wish someone could just tell me how to write.  What the characters should do and how the story progresses should be accessible.  I know there are formulas to writing fiction, but then you end up with formula-driven fiction.

I guess sometimes I wish writing was more like following a recipe.  You need a brooding hero, a smart villain, a dash of intrigue, and a sprinkle of sexual tension.  Let these simmer over an interesting setting and add sidekicks to taste.

Still Here

Been working but not really writing about it, I'm hitting crunch time on Bad for Business (still no cover yet, AHGG!) Chapters are almost finished...not really, more like two thirds finished.  It occurs to me I should have been writing in chapters all along, but I didn't know I had been working on a novella until a month ago.

I read the first chapter of Lost Lamb to the group on Thursday, it seemed to go over well.  They think I should focus on that before continuing Adrian's outer space adventures.  I couldn't agree more.  I do have a sharp story in my head for Adrian, when I get back to him he'll definitely have shit to do.  I'm thinking I'll work on Lost Lamb until I get sick of it, then take a vacation back to space with Adrian.  I love writing.  And hate it.

Market Research Findings, Apprehension

Recently I discovered the Author Marketing Club, apparently they will do non-biased book reviews so that I don't have to burden my friends.  I think I'll still reel in about a handful of the people I've asked to review, but I will also post on AMC.  I'm hoping this venture works out, I really am.  As I approach the finish line on this piece, I feel that I should be taking a rest before I start the next.  I have no plans to do that.  I already have a clear story in mind for the next Adrian installment and I have a few others on the back burner.

Over the last day or so I've been doing some market research to see what sells the best--I am largely unsurprised.  My findings suggest that Romance, Thriller/Suspense, and Mystery are still among the highest grossing genres.  Figure that's a no-brainer.  The new kid on the block, as it were, is Paranormal fiction, a genre that is largely choked with 'tween romance and straight-up supernatural erotica.  To my surprise however, the Urban Fantasy market is actually quite slim.  This bothers me greatly.  I am still working on my Urban Fantasy project (Lost Lamb) but now I'm wondering if anyone will buy it.  Much of the Urban Fantasy that I've tried to read is actually quite disappointing.  I'm still having trouble finding another Dresden Files to get into, which I love of course.

Random Unrelated Post Title

I premiered the final installment of Bad for Business to the group, receiving actual applause when it was over.  Our meetings are very encouraging and constructive, each time I come away from one I feel like I can write anything.

Regardless, I thought the novella's climax could have been sharper and deeper.  During revision today I added a new thread to the story that I felt made the climax more meaningful.

I'm hoping I can get a hardcore detective fiction buff to do an early review, I'd really like to know what someone familiar with the genre would think.  It's seems that several of the group members are saying they know little of detective fiction but they still enjoyed it--that's what counts.  Anyone should be able to read a good piece of fiction of any genre and still enjoy it.

Give me a Side of BBQ Sauce With That

I did my best not to write or think about writing yesterday. Now is the time when I know the piece needs to sit aside for a while. If I keep working on it the revisions will be endless. Of course, I didn't make it the whole day yesterday. I laid in bed with my Kindle and started "just reading" Bad for Business, I got about a page in before I was scanning for edits and improvements.

Today I'm going to give in and finish scanning the first section, see if I can smooth the prose even more and get it to really grab the reader. I think the abstract I wrote has some punch--I really like it. I think it's a good plot summary that doesn't give away too much.

I haven't worked on Lost Lamb for a few weeks, Bad for Business is eating my creativity like a Texan at a buffet.

I wish I could pop into a time machine and see how my writing turns out--maybe I should have gone the traditional route. But in all fairness if I had, Bad for Business would probably not see the light of day. Getting a novella published in a magazine is tough stuff. But the ebook market has a lot of them. I'm hoping that means that they sell.

The Longest Part

All this revising on Bad for Business is taking forever, but I think a deadline is finally in sight.  I had a few more people agree to early reviews, few of them are science fiction buffs so there's that.  Either way I get the reviews on Amazon as soon as possible, marketing this piece has become its own journey.  I've been writing this thing since February and I'm suspecting it'll be finally done and completely revised and critiqued and reviewed and ready to buy in a few weeks.  I really wish I could see how much money people make from their ebooks, but there is no such data.  Short of communicating with another successful author I don't think I will know until it's happening.

Today I'm continuing to rewrite the final portion of this novella--the last installment is here and just needs to be spit shined a little.  That's right, apparently it's been a novella for a while, since it hit 20,000 words I guess.  I think there is a lot less work to add to it now that I've finished with the changes I made before.  I'd say what the change was, but this is a no spoiler zone.  I guess now all I have to do is wait for Loki to finish the book cover--which is excruciating.  I'm already looking into other services to make a cover, just in case he doesn't pull through.  But if I buy one it's expensive, then I've officially invested something other than my time.

I'm projecting that Bad for Business will hit Amazon Kindle and Smashwords around the first of May.  If things go unbelievably well in the later stages of revision and copy editing, there may be an early release--fingers crossed.

Trail of Breadcrumbs

As I drove up the hill to my house, I saw two uniformed police officers interviewing a teenage boy in a ragged gray sweatshirt.  He was slumped against a tree in the graveyard, arms folded over his chest and shaking his head as he said something that I was too far away to hear.  I figured that would be the last the cops spoke to him unless he was booked for some other reason.

In life, things happen that don't relate to a larger story.  Chance encounters in the supermarket are meaningless, you never find the hoodlum who graffitied your car as it sat in your driveway, and cops never catch several unknown criminals.  That's life.  We know this.

But as I drove by, my mind tried to fill in the blanks, make sense of the random event that was in itself a group of particles and wavelengths of light that just happened to coalesce in this exact universe in this exact spectrum of time.  What were they saying?  I knew I could guess based on what I had observed.  The graveyard in not closed to the public so I figured it wasn't trespassing.  Of course it is a center for illegal activity in this sleepy northern California town.  I've heard stories about all manner of things happening in that place.  Given the kid's dress and his age it was a safe assumption that it was a drug possession matter.  Probably a warning since he wasn't being cuffed or driven away in the patrol car.

In fiction that would have been our first breadcrumb.  The tiny bit of interest and mystery that answers a few questions but raises many more.  The first piece that wets our appetite for what's to come.  Not only does the trail lead our characters from one place to another, but also the writer takes the journey--wondering what the story is that he is telling.  In many ways if someone were to ask how I create a story I'm not sure I would have a satisfying answer.

"I really just write them down," I would say.

Leave a Message After the Beep

I'm not sure if I have enough blood running to my brain to write at the moment.  Most of it is being used to digest large quantities of chow mein and sweet and sour pork.  The rest is being used to repair my sore muscles.  My girlfriend and I went on an hour and forty minute hike off a trail head near the north side of town.  It was a really nice time, we saw a cute frog on a leaf near a stagnant pond.  There was a group of small birds in a nearby bush that the dog sniffed at.  Anyway, we figured we would go to a Chinese buffet afterward.  Hence the stuffing and the sore.

I'm phoning it in today, I'm tired.

Abstracts and Covers Covered

Today I'm going over a cover design for Bad for Business.  I have a friend who does Photoshop and a bunch of 3d programs.  I'm pretty excited about seeing it all put together.

My reading last night at writer's group seemed to go over pretty well.  The other members didn't have a lot of critique and said instead that they were invested in the story and just wanted to know happened next.  In the end that's how I want my reader's to react.  I feel like when I read I get hung up on parts of the manuscript that I think could be better--it makes it hard to enjoy a lot of fiction.  I'm just hoping that my readers don't feel this.  I just want them to be along for the ride.

I'm working on an abstract that will accompany my piece when it's available online.  I figured I could post it here.  No spoilers, promise.

"Adrian Shetler is a private investigator on an orbital city called New Independence.  When the alarm for his office is triggered, he finds the body of a dead woman in the shattered office window.  In a world of surveillance and data collection, Adrian must find a killer who is quickly covering their tracks, deleting any evidence of the crime.  Standing in his way are identity scanning checkpoints and vicious gang members.  Will he find the murderer in time or will they escape to kill again?"

Hard Fictional Lives for Our Characters

I think there's something to be said about pacing and conflict with good fiction writing.  That and difficulty, which I guess is the easy way to put it.  What we want to read about is our characters overcoming adversity and triumphing over challenges.  But back to pacing and conflict.

I was doing some light editing of my urban fantasy novel today and I was thinking about a change that I made in a scene that gave me a lot more good stuff to write about.  The opening scene is supposed to be the hero accepting a job from a band of local orcs in the Sacramento area.  In the original writing the scene was only a page and a half long, if that.  The orc comes to his house, Jaden is distrusting at first but he lets the orc in and they get to talking.  I stopped writing right there, thinking in my head "This isn't compelling." And it wasn't.  Do we really want to read about the time that chumbo went to the grocery store and bought a gallon of milk and nothing bad happened?  No.  Have somebody rob that grocery store while chumbo is inside and now I'm interested.  I had the same problem in my manuscript.  I needed some shit to go down, as it were.

The change I made was a simple one but it ended up yielding a lot more compelling material in the end.  I had my hero Jaden react differently to the orc messenger appearing at his home.  He became distrustful and paranoid.  This enriched his character on its own, and when the orc turned to leave Jaden followed him.  Now I had something to write about.  Jaden ended up infiltrating the orc camp and nearly getting strangled to death in the process.  That's compelling fiction.  What had been a mere one and a half pages had blossomed into a sturdy ten page scene that showed character, conflict and setting simultaneously.

Blue Writer Needs Food Badly

Not sure what to journal about today, feel like I've said all I can and that I repeat myself a lot. I got another person to agree to an early review, a co-worker. I feel like it's taking forever to get this story to a sellable point--almost there though.

I really want a burger. Doesn't have anything to do with writing but I still want it. I'm on this diet and usually it's fine but right now it sucks. You don't really know what you want until you can't get it I guess. There's an age-old lesson for you. Grass is always something or other. I hate fast food but right now some greasy fatty thing drenched in trans fats and cholesterol sounds better than sex.

Hmmm, could be that it's time for me to have a meal and there's no food in sight. I hate banks. They suck copious amounts donkey ass and balls--like, at the same time some how. Just waiting in front of one for a while. I'm going to see what I have to do to get a burger.

Story Almost Done--Mind Blown

I have been asking around for early reviews of my short story Bad for Business.  I'm getting excited that's it's almost done and I can sell it soon.  I've never made money from writing before and I'm really anxious to see what I can get.  Even if I only make a little money from it I would still feel good to know that at least one person out there read it and liked it.

I also know that part of that sort of success is to continue writing, develop a series--that sort of thing.  I'm planning another short story with Adrian Shetler and I have a novel somewhere far off in the works that isn't really even into the planning phase just yet.  I think about how small with project was when I started it and now it has blossomed into something big and beautiful but altogether terrifying,  It blows my mind.

What I started as a whim (hey, I could put together a compilation of detective stories and sell that) has become it's own creation--it has reached 20,000 words!  Hopefully it won't get much longer or it will be officially considered a novella, which I guess would be fine anyway.  But right now it's like a quarter of a short novel or a fifth of long one.  It's crazy cool.

Now Serving: Apple Pie with Vanilla Mortal a la Mode

I had an excellent experience revising and editing yesterday, I added even more new scenes and a new flashback (could be a novella when its done).  I'm wondering if I have too many flashbacks, I feel like they are important to the story but I'm wondering if I could cut a couple that don't seem to have anything to say.  I'll wait until the group sees it to decide, that seems to be a strategy that's working.  I'm hoping I can get a few minutes today to revise and copy edit this manuscript but I'm actually chomping at the bit to work more on my urban fantasy novel (working title is Lost Lamb).

The main character is Jaden, a mercenary who deals with the supernatural on a regular basis and hunts monsters professionally.  I feel like there is a lot of magic and spells that get thrown around in urban fantasy as a matter of course, often our heroes in this genre have some hereditary gift or mystical training that grants them powers.  This is all well and good but it occurred to me recently how tremendously hard it would be to live in a world with monsters and demons as an ordinary human with no special powers or advantages.  When the thought came to me I recalled a mantra from some article or book I'd read about writing fiction that gave a simple formula for compelling writing.

"Believable characters in believable settings with unbelievable difficulty."

What could more difficult than living in a hostile world with no help or protection?  I think that qualifies as unbelievable difficulty.  For that reason I decided to make Jaden a plain ol' vanilla mortal just like ma and pa used to make.  That decision gave me a compass for his personality too, he has to be willing to do underhanded and unfair things to get an advantage.  He uses every tool available to him and is often dishonorable or downright vindictive to the creatures of the night.  I'm interested in that.

Stayed Home Sick

Wooh!  We had writer's night last night and it was great.  Loki couldn't quite present his chapter--he didn't have the chance to get it printed out in time but it was okay.  I presented another installment of Bad for Business that was very well received by everyone.  It's a good feeling to read something that I've worked really hard on and see how readers react.  Everybody stayed late hanging out at the house and talking until midnight, drinking beers and eating snickerdoodles.

I always feel so pumped after group and I can't wait get my fingers on the keyboard and write more.  Next week Loki and my brother should be presenting and I'm looking forward to giving them critique, I'm pretty excited to see what they've been writing.

What most people said about my piece was that they wanted to see more of my plucky mechanic sidekick, so in my revision today I'm adding some more to her conversation with my main character, Adrian.  I keep thinking about how rewarding it is to write revealing dialogue that shows how the characters feel about each other without saying it plainly.  I watched Frozen over the weekend and I actually felt the story could have been told a lot better without the musical numbers, they could have instead been replaced by scenes of revealing dialogue and the story could have been more powerful.

I called in sick from work today, I am feeling pretty crappy but I can't help how good writing makes me feel.  My lungs are burning and my head is throbbing but I have that warm feeling that I get when I write good fiction.

I'm a Bacon Leprechaun

This picture took me probably a half hour to make, I admit I got more caught up in the image than really telling the story.  I live with my girlfriend and her teenage daughter and we share food, because well, that's really the best way to do it I suppose.  The teenager's taste tend to run to richer foods--garlic, creme, butter, cheese, bacon.  She knows how to cook and she's pretty good at it.  For this reason though I never get to eat the bacon that I buy for the house.  So, I've started hoarding it.  I've found the best place to hide the bacon is under vegetables, so the bottom of the crisper drawer is my hidden pot of secret bacon.  After I think I've had my share I put it somewhere in the fridge in plain sight and let it disappear.  Admittedly this strategy is also helping me count calories.

Average Things (not writing about them though)

I had a pretty average day today.  It occurs to me that we never write about average things.  Once upon a time there was chumpy, an average guy who never did anything special at all ever.  The End.  Which is an interesting contrast because most of us believe that we're special for some reason or another, and we wonder--is there really a such thing as average?  I'm not sure I believe in it.  Everyone has their story, how they became who they are today.  Sure they aren't always full of life and death struggles or steamy love affairs (though the latter may be a little more common place).  But I suppose that's why we read.  I know that's why I read.

I'm like Bilbo Baggins, I like my average everyday normal life.  But when I read I want to be Legolas, or James Bond to shift the genre.  When we read we're living vicariously through our protagonists, the people we care about enough to learn how they fictionally lived and died.  They become special to us in a way that non-readers cannot understand.  "The movie was better--had all those computer effects!" They bellow at us until they're blue in face.  "Not the same!" We shout back, feeling like we might as well be speaking German to a tub of jello.  They don't get it.

I used to work in the restaurant for a casino in Smith River (I won't mention the name but I'm sure they wouldn't mind the mention).  I hated it there.  I took a novel with me almost everyday and got in serious trouble for it on a regular basis.  But business was slow out there, I often got done with my work quickly and had nothing else to occupy my idle mind.  A coworker of mine came around the corner once while I was nose deep in The Forge in the Forest and was more than a little confused.  "What are you doing?" He asked me, even though the answer was obvious.  "Reading, what's it look like?" I didn't even take my eyes from the text to look at him.  I could tell by the way he twisted his face and scrunched his mouth that I hadn't really answered his question, "Nobody reads books anymore." It was a statement but it sounded more like a question, he continued, "Everybody watch DVDs." Again it sounded like he was asking to make sure that it was what people were doing and that I was a weirdy.  I knew he couldn't understand and in the end I didn't expect him to.  My book was about me and my enjoyment--it wasn't about what he thought.

The Ethics of Work and You

After I wrote my journal yesterday I did a bit more puttering around than I wanted to, mostly looking up names for characters and map information for the area.  I guess I could write it off as legitimate work but I didn't get as many words written as I wanted.  It looks like I won't be getting as much overtime at work this week so hopefully that will give me a few more hours to do some good writing.  I think what holds me back from working as seriously as I could is that I basically get done with my school job and then come right home to do my unpaid computer job.  I feel like I need a rest in between but if I take one then I won't get hardly any writing done.

Today I'm just going to try to bust out some words and then take a little break with food and video games.  I just have to keep my energy going a little longer, hopefully it'll finally pay off when I get something online.

Itchy Typing Fingers

I haven't worked on any writing since Friday and I'm feeling anxious.  I suppose that's a good feeling to have--to want to work on something.  I suppose it's that and that writer's group didn't happen last week, with the combo I just feel backed up creatively.  It's odd.

Today I'll be putting some more working into my urban fantasy novel, having fun seeing where it's going, and I may edit "Bad For Business" a little.  Not sure if I will do the latter, I almost feel like I should wait until the group sees it before I put any more work into it.  I feel like I'll have to rework it again if I double it up like that.  Though there is twinge of a feeling that maybe the group won't meet again and I would never get this piece down.  I guess I've seen so much failure in my writing that I'm expecting it sometimes.

Either way, no failing today.  Getting back to work from my mini-vacation and that's final.

Recipe: Cinnamon Chip French Toast

This weekend we're in Grants Pass spending some time with my girlfriend's sister and her husband. Yesterday they bought some really nice cinnamon chip sourdough bread, it's from a local bakery. Being that we found it at a discount outlet store it was a little dry and stale--perfect for French toast. I did some research for recipes but ultimately made my own to follow.

1/2 cup whole milk
4 large eggs
3 tablespoons white sugar (or honey)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 rustic loaf of a sweet sourdough bread (homemade if you have it)

Whisk together all ingredients for custard and park it in your refrigerator for at least an hour (overnight if you have time). Be sure to use a crusty a bread, especially something that's gone stale. The stale bread will take longer to soak but the structures in the bread will act as a sponge for the custard. When your custard mixture has had enough time for the flavors to marry cut off slabs of bread, soak it in the mix and fry it in butter until the edges brown. If you're making a lot set your oven to low and place the cooked pieces on a parchment lined baking sheet to stay warm. Serve with cooked sausages and fried eggs.

Slightly Hung Over at Work, my Students didn't Care

I wait all week for it to be Friday and by the time it's here it's gone all over again.  I'm an Instructional Assistant for a Severely Handicapped class in my local school district.  I never would have thought it was something I would like but it has turned out to be just that.  The teacher was out today and the kids were very wild.  And messy too, we have the custodian on speed dial down there.

I didn't write at all yesterday and now I feel guilty.  The rationale was that I had met my deadline and all I had left to do was present it.  But I couldn't do that because everyone was sick--now I feel like I wasted the day.  That's a feeling I've grown to hate.  My plan is that today I'll work on another piece, I can't do much more to "Bad for Business" until I show it to the group and get some critique.  I feel like I have this sense of urgency to get some work finished and online, not sure why.  Is it because I'm thirty?  Maybe.  I remember making a deal with myself that I wanted to have something published by now--silly, I know.  I guess when I was a kid I always imagined this future where I sold best-selling novels and made a million dollars and married the girl I had a crush on in second grade and bought my own robot dog.  It was supposed to be the future after all.

Now I'm here, it's 2014 and I work part-time and rent a home with my girlfriend and our very not robot dog.  I guess this is better, it's real.  Not a fantasy.  Real things aren't beautiful or perfect but they are ours.  I'm still writing, still doing, still dreaming.

Group got cancelled--I got drunk

Everyone cancelled on group tonight except me and my brother.  I guess they had good reasons, a couple people got sick this week. My girlfriend had presentation night at school--it's like back to school but, uh not that thing.  Still kind of drunk.

My girlfriend's daughter keeps playing this song in her room. It's not loud but it's always the same song, I guess it just makes me feel old, I don't know the name or artist or anything.  I just don't care honestly, not sure why.  Too cynical I guess.

This post is a real downer, I've got to bring it up a notch.  Let me see...kittens.  Feel better?

Meeting Deadlines, Taking Names

Writer's group is tomorrow and I actually have my next installment edited and ready to go.  I'm quite impressed at my own lack of procrastinating.  I decided to add Adrien's hot tech lady sidekick the other day, although for some reason I feel like I tiptoe around female characters.  I want them to be feminine and relatable but I worry they come off as blow up bimbos with huge pillowy breasts and leopard print g-strings.  I found myself trying to describe a hole burnt into Reiko's tank top without mentioning her chest or her midriff.  Part of it too is that if I start describing my women like models in a centerfold then I alienate any female readers who may have an interest in my books.

I'm hoping that by adding more female characters in future stories I can show some contrast, I've been developing the nugget for my next short story and I want it to feature a dangerous woman.  Of course there is a lady in our fiction group so I suppose I could always ask what she thinks about women in my world.

I found myself thinking back to the first chapter I wrote for an urban fantasy novel a couple months ago--it was really strong and fun to write.  Although I hadn't officially chucked the idea I had taken it out of active development.  The reason for that was a lack of content, I wanted that full ninety-thousand word limit of a first novel.  But now that I know there is a decent market for novellas I'm thinking of going back to finish it at whatever length it turns out to be--that excites me.